I’ve been feeling pretty foggy. Like I’m in the throes of a deep depression that not even my normal things (reading, chocolate, cats, yoga) can help me out of. It feels different than my normal seasonal bummed-out issues. It’s a miasma that set in, oh, around January. Yeah, I’m one of the people still upset about the election and the way this country is being run, but that’s not my core issue.
Recently I got a new iPhone 7; my iPhone 6 was on its last legs and constantly would die if I tried to catch mad Pokemon at the park. When I got my new phone, I decided not to put Facebook or Facebook Messenger on it. And I only put on about half the social media apps I used to. It started as a thing where I told myself, “Oh, Facebook and Messenger seem to kill my battery, so I wonder how it will perform without those apps on there.”
But really? I didn’t really realize it until I thought of it, but I was wasting minutes, hours, days refreshing Facebook and looking at what everyone else was up to. I was living vicariously through everyone else and their engagements and trips and babies and happy lives while I curled up on my couch in the fetal position with a cup of coffee or staved off work to see what kinds of leggings my friends were hawking.
In the first day or so of having my new phone, I felt naked. I don’t know what’s going on with other people! And they don’t know what’s going on with me! I posted a status saying I was only going to check Facebook while at work and/or at a regular computer, because I wouldn’t have it on my phone. I told people if they wanted to get in touch with me, to text me.
Do you think anyone has been in touch? No. And that’s okay! This detox from Facebook has taught me that friendship is a two-way street, and I could benefit from reaching out to people, too. Just this weekend I spent some lovely time with my good friend, Jordan. I reached out to her and we made plans and I followed through on them without cancelling. That’s so big for me. I didn’t spend my time scrolling through my phone instead of making conversation.
And you know what? it’s kind of been the best thing. My Facebooking was getting to be A Thing. It was the first thing I looked at in the morning and the last thing I looked at before bed. I realized that maybe I was looking at getting something out of it that really isn’t there, and to me, that’s true connection.
I’m looking for true connection. This is a theme that’s been popping up for me, connection. At thirty, I’m lonely in ways I’d never imagined. For friends in my town that aren’t an hour or more away. I’m lonely for pals here in Columbus that are just a text away, where we can curl up on the couch drinking wine and talking about things like feminism and skincare and politics.
Social media has made me awkward in person. I reach out to local online friends in the hope that we can be friends, but that’s such a weird thing to do nowadays that I’ve gained no ground on that.
So I think I will keep up this digital detox of sorts. These feelings around connection and how social media has changed me are worthy of exploration. I need to be better at putting myself out there, and making myself a more approachable person. To me, the first thing about that is getting my nose out of my phone and off of Facebook as much as I can. I want to continue to explore this and see what kind of journey it takes me on.
Because I know I’ve missed a lot of journeys because I was too busy staring at my phone.
I hope you’ve all been well. ❤ I just became a member of an amazing society of women blogging about awesome topics, so my hope is that you’ll see more of me around here. By the end of the month I’m planning on showing you my 2017 Q1 empties – lots and lots of skincare empties thus far! And my monthly favorites will be returning – I’ve got a lot of new goodies I’d love to share.Thanks for popping into my little corner of the Internet; I am honestly and wholeheartedly grateful. Let’s connect – on Instagram at @murflegirl or Twitter at @vividlyvz. (Because obviously my Facebook page might not get as quick a response, haha!)